When What Ifs Don’t Matter

I experienced one of the scariest moments of my life last week. I know I’m usually a dramatic person, but this experience literally was the scariest! We have a large IKEA dresser in our bedroom. This dresser is brand new to us. I’ve had my eye on this furniture set for four years, and when my sister and her husband moved to Saudi Arabia they gave us a steal of a deal, and my dream furniture was ours! YES! I just love our furniture! Liam enjoys pulling out all our dresser drawers so he can push them back in again. He’s never tried to climb them or anything, so I’ve only ever told him, “Don’t smash your little fingers, buddy!”

Room

One day last week he was engaged in his usual routine of pulling the drawers out and pushing them back in because…toddlerhood! Simple things are so much fun! I had just seen him up against the dresser pulling the last drawer out when I turned for two seconds to put my shirt on. The moment I turned, I heard a loud crash of something very large falling over. Would you believe it was the dresser falling forward? The entire IKEA dresser fell frontward toward Liam. To my surprise, he was up against the foot of our bed in a little space between it and the fallen dresser. He looked up at me with his beautiful (but scared) blue eyes and said his classic, “uh oh!” I picked him up, both of our hearts racing. We both started crying! I called Tyler to ask him to come get the dresser because I couldn’t lift this heavy furniture on my own, especially with all the drawers in the shape they were in. The face of the drawer closest to where Liam was standing was split. And I just kept thinking…that was supposed to be Liam. He should have been under there. Soon after this happened, Liam was back to himself…playing with his trucks and balls, like nothing ever happened. I, however, was in shambles.

My carefree, joyful little Liam.

Liam

Liam should have been CRUSHED. I’m not kidding you. There’s no way he should have known to move out of the way or had the reflexes to move that quickly. That dresser toppled over in an instant. The Lord clearly sent one of His angels to protect my sweet baby boy! I was not supposed to see this all play out, but I cannot tell you the miracle this was! At the very least, Liam’s toes should have been crushed.

I was reminded of a greater lesson that day. From the very beginning of parenthood Tyler and I prayed that we would always have open palms, never grasping our children tightly. We want the Lord to use them how HE desires. We want to always know in our hearts and minds that they belong to Him, not to us. Yes, He’s allowing us to shepherd, teach, disciple, and train them, but they are ultimately His. He has the most capable hands, and we HAVE to trust Him with them.

As moms, it can be a struggle to let go of our kids. Worry can consume us until we are almost paralyzed. I struggled on this day with all kinds of “what if” thoughts. What if that dresser had crushed him? What if he died that day? What if he couldn’t ever be the big brother we imagined him being because he was taken from this earth? What if we didn’t have his quirky, funny spirit in our lives anymore? What if what if what if? I have a vivid imagination, and I could see him lying under that dresser in my mind. These crazy thoughts HAUNTED me for a few days. But I knew they were from Satan, and they were unhealthy to allow in my mind. I knew God wanted me to focus on Him and His protection of Liam. I knew God wanted me to remember that I don’t have control, and that’s okay! Because HE is GOD. HE does the impossible. HE is our protector.

I know I’m not the only woman out there who worries. Worrying is my crutch for everything. It takes over my heart and mind at times, and I cannot always shake it. Crippling fear takes over, and the enemy distracts me from my focus on our good good Father. That is why I hold Proverbs 3:5-6 very close to my heart.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.”

I don’t know what situations you are facing that stir up worry and fear, but I pray that you can find scripture to focus on when temptation to give in to those things arises. I pray you will be able to fix your eyes on Christ, who is in control of all things. Life is hard. It’s hard to train our mind to focus on God instead of the circumstances we face, but it is vital. We cannot always understand the “whys” of what we face, but we can always acknowledge the One who knows the “whys.” He is a good good Father, and He is working everything out for His purposes. Thank you, Jesus!