Last week was the week of LOVE with Valentine’s Day on Sunday. We’ve been doing a series called “Happily Ever After” with our youth on Wednesday nights. My husband took the guys the first week while I took the girls. Then we flip-flopped last week. We talked about things ranging from purity to sex to relationships to their worth in Christ. I want to share a bit of what I wrote for the girls’ session because there may be some young girls out there who need to read it.
So, I want you to think. What does LOVE make you think of? Do you have an image that pops into your mind? Is it the Cinderella and her prince charming kind of love or do you possibly see your grandparents’ love that’s withstood time or do you possibly think of Jesus and His ultimate sacrificial love?
When I was a teenage girl, I associated love with Disney movies, for sure. I thought love was the be all and end all in this world. I thought the ultimate goal was to fall in love with a guy, marry him, and have tons of babies. I thought it would be ALL HAPPY ALL THE TIME. I took “happily ever after” very seriously! I didn’t expect love and relationships to be hard work. As much as I LOVE Tyler, Liam, and our new baby, it’s not all happily ever after. Life is hard. It just is. Therefore, relationships are hard. And even when you walk through life with people you love and would do anything for, relationships still take a lot of hard work.
It has been a journey even getting to a place where I felt like I could be loved. I was painfully insecure in middle school. For your treat… middle school Andi:
I felt like I had ZERO worth. So, if I knew a guy liked me or paid attention to me, it made me feel validated. I felt like I was finally worth something. Someone wanted me, and that felt good. I had a boyfriend my 7th and 8th grade years. He was all the girls’ crush in our youth group. He was the IT guy. He played soccer and was tall, dark, and handsome. He had a great family and seemed like he had a good head on his shoulders. So we dated, and he would tell me I was pretty and stuff. He would sweet talk me and tell me what I wanted to hear. I thought I LOVED him. I would doodle my first name with his last name on my notes in biology class. I thought he was the greatest thing God ever made. As we were dating, I accepted Christ as my Savior and began a sweet relationship with Him. I began realizing HE was the reason I had any worth. This guy and I ended up breaking up, and I was a mess. Because I had given this guy my heart and was so wrapped up and invested in him, it CRUSHED me. I thought my world was destroyed. I had put all my security in this guy. I thought I was WORTH something because he liked ME. I was so blind to his manipulation and how he took advantage of my fragile emotions because I thought I LOVED him so much. I chose not to see any of the red flags that alerted me that I shouldn’t date him. Because of my heartbreak, I had to continue on this path of realizing my worth in Jesus Christ, not in guys and their attention.
Ladies, when we put our faith, hope, trust, and worth in guys, we will ALWAYS be let down. When we don’t see ourselves as valuable, we give ourselves away… even to scumbags! I’ve seen many girls give their entire selves away… purity and sexuality, emotions, and their whole hearts to guys who got what they wanted and ditched them afterward. This leaves the girls completely heartbroken and feeling crazy amounts of shame. This isn’t RIGHT. We should not allow for this to happen. We are WORTH something because of Jesus; not because of any guy. Jesus’ love is REAL TRUE LOVE. Jesus Christ looks at you with so much LOVE. True, genuine, wholehearted LOVE. He thinks of you with great value. He died on a cross to allow for a relationship with you because He loves you that much. He would never manipulate you, give you a false sense of hope, or take your heart and smash it to the ground. NO. He thinks of you as His precious treasured daughter. If we know Jesus as our Savior, then He is our king. We are part of His body and kingdom. He desires you! I love Psalm 45:10-11 in the Message:
“Now listen, daughter, don’t miss a word:
forget your country, put your home behind you.
Be here — the king is wild for you.
Since he’s your lord, adore him.”
The King is WILD FOR YOU. If we truly found our worth in Him, that would be enough. He would be enough. And if He were enough, we wouldn’t feel like we had to give ourselves away to any guy who gives us attention. Our standards would be high, and we wouldn’t fly on the sails of guys’ attention. We would truly know our worth because of Jesus Christ. We are a PRIZED POSSESSION. Just think about the thought and care God put into creating us. And His depth of knowledge about us! Go read Psalm 139! Here’s a snippet:
“For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.”
You are fearfully and wonderfully made! I clung to these verses throughout middle and high school. I HAD to be reminded of the love God has for me. So, I urge you… abide in God’s love, my sweet sisters. He is so good. He wants the best for you. He wants your heart and deserves it more than any guy does. In Christ alone you’ll find the greatest satisfaction and the ONLY true and lasting satisfaction. No relationship is worth compromising your devotion and commitment to Christ. Dump that guy who takes advantage of you, get some accountability, and grow in sweet relationship with Christ. I promise it’s worth it!