Oh, the Lord continues to teach me lessons, ladies. It’s not always fun, but it is what it is! And it’s good for me. This week we had our big ultrasound for baby #2. The one where they check all of baby boy and make sure he’s developing like he should be. Unfortunately, my husband had the time wrong, and he couldn’t make it because of a meeting. So, I was walking into this already a bit more nervous than usual because he wasn’t with me. I just kept thinking I have no idea how I’ll handle it on my own if anything’s wrong. I walk into the ultrasound room with a very kind technician. She starts going through everything, and I see his precious face on the screen. I get giddy with excitement because there he is…. my newest love. I get to hold him SOON! She finishes up after a while then explains that she noticed a little something on his heart… HOLD THE PHONE. I stop in my tracks, as we’re wiping the jelly mess off my stomach. She said she noticed Echogenic Intracardiac Focus, aka EIF. I’m all, WHAT? My mind becomes quite fuzzy, and I try to fight the warm tears stinging my eyes. She explains that this is quite common, and it usually clears itself up. She said it’s not in any way a heart defect but only a calcium buildup in his heart. She said it’s 100% not anything to worry about because everything else was normal. Yes, it’s linked to Down Syndrome, only if paired with other abnormal signs. I begin to process this information. “Nothing to worry about” should have been what rang in my ears. But of course, Negative Nelly heard “something on the heart” and “Down Syndrome.” I’ve already been quite emotional the last couple of weeks, so I was feeling quite vulnerable and out of control.
I met with the doctor, and he mentioned it as well after looking over the ultrasound pictures. He reassured me that this is nothing to worry about because there aren’t any other signs of anything and this clears up on its own. I left the doctor’s office, finally get into the safety of my car, and lost it. Tears upon tears. Not because they didn’t repeatedly assure me nothing was wrong, but because I wanted everything to be perfect. I don’t want there to be an aspect of anything wrong with this baby. Of course, that’s every mother’s hope. Not to mention, this is completely out of my control. And Google is of the devil sometimes! I know… don’t Google health related issues… but, I don’t always listen.
I got myself together, finally, and grabbed Starbucks before heading home to meet the babysitter. I prayed the whole way home… asking God to clear this up and not allow my mind to fixate on this being a problem. Again, the tech (who’s been doing this for 20 years) and the doctor both assured me it wasn’t any big deal at all.
It’s so funny to look back on my pregnancy with Liam, in light of this little event. I remember writing a blog post on our family blog about a growth ultrasound I had to have with Liam. My belly was measuring smaller than it should’ve been, so the doctor ordered a growth ultrasound to check the fluid levels and make sure he was growing like he should’ve been. We had to wait a few agonizing days to get this ultrasound done. All the while, I continually felt the Lord say, “Be still, my anxious child…” As I’ve gone through this week, I’ve heard those words again. Any time I start to think about it and worry threatens to steal my heart and mind, I hear the Lord whisper those words.
I’m sure I’ve shared this on GLOW before, but I love it so much I have to share again! While I was pregnant with Liam, Tyler and I read to him from his Jesus Storybook Bible. Jesus gave me exactly what I needed after that appointment with Liam, and I’m reminded of this today with baby #2. The Good Shepherd is about King David, and it is based on Psalm 23. Listen to the way they worded this beautiful Psalm in this Bible…
God is my Shepherd
And I am his little lamb.
He feeds me
He guides me
He looks after me.
I have everything I need.
Inside, my heart is very quiet.
As quiet as lying still in soft green grass
In a meadow
By a little stream.
Even when I walk through
the dark, scary, lonely places
I won’t be afraid
Because my Shepherd knows where I am.
He is here with me
He keeps me safe
He rescues me
He makes me strong
He is getting wonderful things ready for me
Especially for me
Everything I ever dreamed of!
He fills my heat so full of happiness
I can’t hold it all inside.
Wherever I go I know
God’s Never Stopping
Never Giving Up
Always and Forever
Will go, too!
The way my heart is prone to worry, I can’t help but LOVE this. I know that I know that I know that I have no reason to worry about this EIF, and the Lord continues to reassure me of that. He moves mountains. He parted the Red Sea in a jiffy. He made this entire world. Surely, he will take care of His children.
I don’t know what you may be worried about today, but I pray the Lord will use this sweet psalm to calm your anxious heart, sister.
“Be still, my anxious child…”