On Monday I felt like a complete failure. The day began with me popping out of bed (which is HIGHLY unusual — I’m totally not a morning person) in a great mood. I felt like conquering the world! I had a large to-do list, and I actually felt like doing it… which is rare these days with a toddler and a growing baby inside of me. After breakfast, I actually gave Liam a bath AND took a shower myself. This rarely happens in the morning as well! Victory! I still felt great at this point. We began to run our errands. Liam was in the back, sucking his thumb and rubbing his blankie like an angel throughout our whole 20-minute drive. I’m thinking, “YES! This is the best day!” It may have been pouring outside, but there was no stopping us that day!
Enter Walgreens. We go to [finally] pick up our Christmas cards, Liam gets too heavy, so I put him down. Mistake #1. Immediately his eyes and body race toward the Ferrero Rocher chocolates display, and he started bringing me packages of them one by one while I waited for our cards. Now, I must admit… the child has great taste in chocolate. Once we got the cards I thought, “This isn’t going too badly, I’ll go ahead and get a flu shot while we’re here!” Mistake #2. I signed up for the flu shot, and the lady told me she would be with me shortly. Keyword…SHORTLY. [aka not shortly at all]. Shortly after, Liam found the Hot Wheels, stuffed animals, balls, and all kinds of toys. On a different aisle. Out of view of the pharmacy. So there I was chasing him back and forth, trying to wait for my turn for the flu shot, while wrangling my toddler. Not to mention, pill bottles are REALLY FUN TO SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE. Smacks forehead with hand. Finally, they had me sign some papers and sit behind a screen to shortly wait [15 more minutes] for the lady to finally give me my flu shot. I finally resorted to Barney on my phone to make Liam sit still next to me — after letting him play with my Bi-lo card, Debit card, Target card, that is. These are the moments people seem to want to make small talk. Like the flu shot lady… ooohing and ahhhing over how technologically advanced our babies are now, and I sink into my chair knowing I’m being judged for being the mom who distracts her kid with her phone. Immediately, I feel shame.
We left… I recouped. Then I thought, “All I need to do now is run into Target REALLY FAST to exchange something.” Mistake #37. As we waited in line to exchange just one item, Liam began to throw a tantrum… arching his back, crying, and HITTING his beloved mother. “WHO’S CHILD IS THIS?” I wanted to yell. The judgmental eyes glared. I wanted to crawl under the shopping cart in shame. The day pretty much continued this way, as we tried to take Liam to the middle school basketball game, and I almost lost my marbles.
Resorting to Oreos at a basketball game because… SURVIVAL.
Ahhh funny. Life is funny, huh ladies? I began to think, “I’m the WORST MOM IN THE WHOLE WORLD.” Liam doesn’t always act like this, and then BAM three times in one day. It was the worst. Satan began attacking. “You really are the worst mom ever. Look around… no one else has a child acting like this. You losing your patience means you FAIL. You’re nothing but a BIG OLE’ FAILURE. People are totally judging you because you’re AWFUL.” And I began to listen. The lies surrounded, and I began buying into them.
Oh, but the sweet, sweet voice of Jesus intervenes in the moments we most need Him. He reminded me, “Sweet daughter… it’s ok! These days happen. Come to me for forgiveness for losing your patience. Come to me to refill yourself with love to pour out on your son. You are not a failure. You are forgiven.” And now I realize, tomorrow is another day. We all have bad days. We all lose our minds once in a while, but we MUST drown out Satan’s lies with the truth and love of our wonderful Father God. Today, I’m beyond thankful for grace and hopeful for another chance tomorrow.
Have you ever had an experience like this? Is there a specific time you can remember when you felt like a complete failure? Do you pay attention to the judgmental glares or remember whom you belong to and that you’re only to please Him?