3 Years of Marriage

“Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam… And wuv, tru wuv, will fowow you foweva… So tweasure your wuv.” [The Princess Bride, anyone?]

1Ahhhh marriage. This fella’ and I have been married 3 whole years as of this past Tuesday! I can’t believe it’s been that long, but at the same time [some days] I can’t believe it’s only been 3 years! I was telling Tyler it seems like much longer because literally something new has happened every year in our marriage so far…

Year 1: Just married. Getting used to doing life together.

2

Year 2: PREGNANT. Bless Tyler!

3

Year 3: Having a BABY. And the insanity that entails.

4That’s a tired and extremely bloated momma. WOAH.

So what’s year 4 to bring? Only the Lord knows! But to say it’s been an adventure already is an understatement!

I’ve been thinking this week about a few things I’ve learned from marriage so far, and want to share them with you. I am leaps and bounds away from being the perfect wife, so I have certainly not perfected any of this. We’re ALL learning, aren’t we?!

  1. Marriage is NOT like my fairy tale Disney princess movies. As in all of life, nothing plays out like a Disney movie. You don’t fall in love and get married after saying two words to one another. You don’t exchange words in a song and everything is perfection. Also, a kiss doesn’t always make you feel alive! I am a Disney fanatic TO THE MAX. Liam will see and love every Disney princess movie, however sometimes this makes us women feel like things should play out perfectly in our relationships. When they don’t play out that way, we get frustrated and annoyed. Just think, we’re two imperfect people, so there’s no way we can have a perfect marriage.
  2. Men desire to be respected. I can’t tell you how many times in these 3 years I have disrespected Tyler. Whether that means giving an attitude, snapping at him, not listening to him, or not valuing his opinion over other people’s. I have done it all! I have noticed when I show him that I respect him, he blossoms. When I look into his eyes while he’s telling his really detailed stories, he feels respected. When I answer with gentleness, he feels respected. When I discuss important decisions with him first, he feels respected. A hero comes out in him when he feels respected!
  3. Women desire to feel loved. This goes hand in hand with respecting your husband. When I’m respecting him, he makes me feel loved. When he makes me feel loved, I have an easier time respecting him. It’s one big cycle! It can be tricky when you get into the bad cycle of not respecting your husband, so he doesn’t make you feel loved. And the cycle continues to roll. That’s bad news that I try to avoid. Some days I need to work harder at it!
  4. Some things just aren’t that important.e.-he puts the toilet paper on the wrong way EVERY time…hey, at least he put it on there! He doesn’t brush his teeth before bed. Gross to me, but not worth the nagging. He eats a lot of junk food and doesn’t drink much water…And so on and so on and so on. Are these things really worth the frustration, anger, and bad mood? Absolutely not.
  5. I have to STOP saying “nothing” when he asks “what’s wrong?” when there actually IS something wrong. Ladies…I know you can relate! I’m the world’s worst about this. I shut down when I get incredibly frustrated or angry. I don’t want to talk, so I say “nothing” when he asks me what’s wrong. Satan loves to attack our marriages by cutting off the flow of communication. We always hear communication is key, but it TRULY is! Keep the conversation flowing!
  6. The world doesn’t revolve around me. Aw man. I’ve talked about this one before on here…marriage made me realize how selfish I am…motherhood made me realize I was still holding on to some of that selfishness! Being a wife is HUMBLING. I mess up more than I ever thought I would. It’s a great thing to know the world doesn’t revolve around you, but it can be a hard lesson to learn!
  7. We must free our husbands from the burden of our happiness. They aren’t in charge of making us happy. They aren’t even in charge of filling us up. JESUS should be the one we run to in order to find fulfillment and worth. Not our husbands! I imagine a burden would be lifted off of them if we could get that into our brains!
  8. Jesus MUST MUST MUST be each of our individual priority and our priority as a couple. I’ve noticed a pattern in our relationship. When we are both rooted in the Word and seeking Jesus, our relationship is thriving and beautiful. The love and respect FLOW! When neither of us are seeking Jesus, it’s a disaster. When one of us is in a solid place, but the other isn’t, it’s beautiful to see the comradery…we are able to pick our partner up and help lead them back to the throne.

When we are not glorifying Christ in our marriage, we have lost the whole point of marriage. When we aren’t serving together, sharing Christ with the world, loving others…then we’ve lost it all. We’ve got to FIGHT for our marriages. Satan is after Godly couples. He wants to bring us down, but the GOOD NEWS is—JESUS IS FIGHTING FOR US. And you know what? HE WINS. We MUST allow Him to fight for us!

Marriage takes work to thrive. It’s hard, and some days you want to give up. But it’s worth it. It’s all worth it when we are growing closer to Jesus and lifting our spouse up. It’s worth it when we speak to one another with “psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs” (Ephesians 5:19). It’s worth it when you fall on your faces before Jesus together. Jesus makes it all worth it! Here’s to many more years of marriage with our loves! CHEERS.

5I would LOVE for you to comment and share some things you’ve learned in marriage! I have MUCH to learn! :)

  • Jana

    One of my absolute favorite things about marriage is how it mirrors God’s relationship with his bride, the Church. My husband constantly points me to God’s love through his love, to God’s forgiveness through his forgiveness, to God’s joy through his joy, etc. It’s encouraging to my husband when I share how his words and actions point me closer to Christ, and I pray that our marriage continues to glorify the Lord! After all, marriage was created by God to represent His love for the Church!

  • Kellie Clem

    Thank you Andi. Even after 32 years we’re still working and learning. Three major things I’be learned and still learning… Main thing is to also keep Jesus number 1. You will disappoint and so will your spouse but He never will. #2 is to always keep your spouse number 2 after the Lord. If you don’t then when your kids are grown and gone you will not know the man sitting on the couch next to you. Lastly, never grow up. Laugh, act goofy, act like you did when he met you and fell in love with you! Laughter can break those stressful times and those times where you just want to walk off while throwing your hands in the air. Pray that the Lord allows you years and years with your spouse to fall deeper and deeper in love with him. I pray that for you and Tyler as well.