This past week in Sunday school, our pastor was talking about Revelation 4. We’ve been diving into Revelation, and I’ve absolutely loved the study! This week hit me square between the eyes, and I can’t help but share. This personal experience has been quite humbling and is slightly embarrassing to admit, but stick with me here. In Revelation 4, John saw God sitting on the throne with the appearance of jasper and ruby. He saw the rainbow like emerald encircling the throne. He saw the twenty-four elders bowing and laying down their crowns. He saw the crystal clear sea of glass before the throne. He also saw the four living creatures before the throne, and John describes this scene:
“Each of the four living creatures had six wings and was covered with eyes all around, even under its wings. Day and night they never stop saying:
‘Holy, holy, holy
is the Lord God Almighty,
who was, and is, and is to come.’
Whenever the living creatures give glory, honor and thanks to him who sits on the throne and who lives forever and ever, the twenty-four elders fall down before him who sits on the throne and worship him who lives for ever and ever. They lay their crowns before the throne and say:
‘You are worthy, our Lord and God,
to receive glory and honor and power,
for you created all things,
and by your will they were created
and have their being.’ Revelation 4:8-11
I began to ponder this the entire day. This should make me SQUEAL with excitement! Uninterrupted worshipping Jesus FOREVER and EVER! Worshipping Him for ALL eternity! That should be the most thrilling thought! Can I be completely honest? I was surprised to realize that this wasn’t exciting me as much as it should/as much as I wanted it to. I began to pray and ask Jesus, “What in the WORLD is wrong with my heart?” It pained me deep to my core to have these thoughts. Do you ever have moments like this and feel like you’re the only one in the world?
Anyway, that’s how I was feeling that day. I pondered why I was feeling this way. I read Scripture. I was just incredibly burdened by these thoughts and feelings. As I was thinking, it sort of hit me…I’m SUCH a Martha. We’ve talked about Martha and Mary before (read Luke 10:38-42), but it’s always good to talk about them again! Mary sat before Jesus and praised Him, while Martha was busy getting the meal and house prepared. I’m Martha.
I’m part of a lower body workout group on Facebook, and this passage was the Scripture for today. This was perfect for me! I truly focus on the hundreds of thousands of things on my checklists to do that even though I spend time in the Word and prayer during the day, I’m not delighting myself in Jesus Christ. This is an insanely hard realization to deal with. I want to sit before Jesus’ feet worshipping Him and delighting in Him, rather than letting all the things of the world capture my thoughts and attention.
My fitness coach, Becky reminded me that intimacy with Christ is what remains FOREVER. Not these thousands of things that preoccupy me. She said, “Fixing a divided heart is simple: Repent of your divided heart and remember who Jesus is.”
That’s my heart and my focus this week. The Lord truly deserves our lives to be completely full of worship! Our time, attention, desires should reflect that. I’m extremely challenged and humbled this week. Praise Jesus for His grace upon grace upon grace on my life!