“I can’t be friends with women.”
“Women are just catty and gossipy.”
“I just can’t get along with girls.”
“Being friends with women is just asking for drama.”
I know you have heard at least one woman say at least one of the above statements. In fact, YOU have probably been guilty of saying or thinking some of the same things! I’m going to be reeeeeal honest and let you in on a little something…. I totally 100% have said and thought not only all of the above statements but also had a few more things to say about the impossibility of female friendships. I have believed these statements to be true! After all, there were many times I had been proven correct over the years and you probably have been too!
You have had a “friend” share that you had a secret crush on Ryan after she swore up and down (sa-wa-or yall) and pinky promised she would never tell a soul, crossed her heart, hoped to die and even willing to stick that needle in her eye. (Who makes up that stuff???)
You have had your best friend treat you like chopped liver after she started dating Mr. Love-of-her-life-they-only-dated-two-weeks-and-his-mom-drove-them-to-the-movies.
You have stood within ear shot of the group of girls whispering just loud of enough for you to hear the cruel words they used to describe your new [insert dress, jeans, perm (don’t act like you didn’t totally rock one of those bad boys), shoes, nose (not in my high school but 90210 ladies)].
You have had to sit to spend countless and I mean COUNTLESS hours going back and forth between Becky and Susie because Johnny asked Susie out, she said yes even though she KNEW that Becky had been secretly eye stalking Johnny for weeks now!
I know sister, I know. I know because I have been there too! But I have a secret for you. Maybe you have already figured this out and if you have GOOD start passing the word along….. okay listen in, scoot in close, be prepared to have your mind blown, probably not mind blown but stretched, yes prepare for a stretching of the mind…. You and I are not alone. What?? Yep. I said it. We aren’t alone. We are not the sole survivors of the female Wild West gun fight. Every single female of every single age has been hurt or wounded one way or another by another female. We can stay here and try to focus on why girls hurt one another and maybe we could stop and meditate on the mantra “the hurt hurt”, actually stop and sit on that one for just a bit because there is a lot of truth there but just don’t stop right now. Right now I want to focus on the fact that we have all been wounded one way or another and this my friends gives us common ground. We can all look each other in the eye and with all sincerity say “me too”. That’s pretty powerful. Me too, friend. Meeeee too, sister.
When you stop focusing on the “me part” and start looking at the “we part” you heart can start to soften to the idea – we are each other’s people. We get each other. The really exciting part about opening the door here is realizing that the fact we have all been wounded one way or another by a girl is really just small potatoes to the common ground we have as daughters, aunts, sisters, mothers, grandmothers and wives. We may not all be all of these but we have all been at least one of these! Not only have we all been somebody’s daughter we are all daughters of our Heavenly Father! See what I did there? It’s not that clever really but I just wanted you to look at that thought again. We have the same father, The Father. Romans 8:16 reminds us of our heritage, “The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children.” We are all sisters in Christ, we are family.
Here is some more truth for your truth basket, Christ died on the cross for you and all the drama mamas.
“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8.
Christ bore our sins, all of them. The lies, the back stabbing, the gossiping, the ego crushing, the animosity, the unkind and hurtful things we have done to one another in the throes of female gun slinging, Christ took it all so that we may have eternal life. So that we can one day stand shoulder to shoulder, hand in hand, worshipping the one true King in heavenly bliss.
Next time you find yourself putting up a wall or trying to reinforce a wall in the world of girlfriends I pray that you will pause, put down the bricks and mortar and pray that you see your friend through Jesus’ eyes. She has scars too, I promise, but there is just too much sweetness in Godly female friendships for us to callously dismiss each other. After all, a man cannot ever understand the torment of heel or flat but a sister will know it’s an evening event and encourage the heel! Jokes aside only a sister in Christ can understand what it’s like to be a sister in Christ in a dog eat dog, me motivated, comparison driven, hate fueled fallen world.
Let’s get shoulder to shoulder and hand in hand, let’s lift up our sisters who are being crushed by hurts, let’s grasp hold onto our sisters who are bravely reaching out and let’s set our eyes on Jesus!
About the Author
I am a wife of 10 years to a hunk-of-a-hard worker who lovingly puts up with my quirkiness. I am also a home-schooling mommy to three gorgeously amazing little girls who keep my laughing. Most importantly I love the Lord with all my heart, soul and mind. I would love to tell you that I have been loving and serving the Lord all my long days but that’s not quite my story. We will save that for another day! I will say that I am now one of “those” people; those people who are so desperately seeking Jesus that they are willing to be “weird” and do things that the world sees as unconventional for the sake of His kingdom. I would also love to tell you that I do that perfectly every day but that would just not be true. But I do get completely lost in His love and grace for me and my continual three steps forward half a step back life.