Artwork Credit: Amanda Weaver
Parenting eats my lunch. Today for sure.
Me: What part of ‘please stop’ don’t you understand?
Jack: ‘The stop part.’
Me: What was the best part of your day today?
Jack: ‘Nothing. Because mama was here.’
The talking back.
The smart mouth.
I’m seemingly not cut out for it.
I work three days a week – so I’m home with Jack and Norah four days – two of them by myself. And for some reason, Jack really knows each and every one of my buttons to push. Give me an excel spreadsheet and ask me to run a report ANY day. I’ll have it ready in 10 minutes – including a pie chart. But a four year old whining about getting dressed in the morning, or fussing over which toy he can or cannot bring with him to Trader Joe’s? Forget it. By the time 5pm comes, I’m ready for the next work day!
Don’t get me wrong, I’m so thankful for Jack & Norah both. I love the sparkle in both of their eyes, the smiles, the laughs. But some days, I wonder what God was thinking letting me be mama to these two. I pray He shows me how I can best steward this time with them and best help them both become the people God has in mind for them to be. But I feel so inadequate. And I can’t see the forest for the trees.
But I trust God. And I see glimmers of hope – when Jack gets an idea, when he shows compassion on his 3 year old friend by pushing in her chair at her birthday, or going up to the homeless man in our neighborhood to offer him one of his cereal bars – that God is working for good.
And as I reminded Jack today about the reason I discipline him – because I love him and because I want him to know and love God and other people – God reminds me that I discipline Jack because God disciplines me. For His good and His glory. So that I can be the best Loren He’s created me to be and so that others can see God’s love and light in and through me – amid the selfishness and whiny fits and disobedience. I tell Jack every night before he goes to bed that I love him no matter what and what a beautiful reminder at the end of the day that God loves us no matter what and He is working everything for our good.
I’m a part-time working mom of two in my mid-thirties learning to be like Jesus in the big and small dailies in San Francisco. I have a degree in English (Auburn University) and a Masters of Divinity (Golden Gate Seminary). I’m from the South, but not of the South. I’ve traveled to France, Ukraine, and China and, on a regular basis, come in contact with all of those nationalities plus a half a dozen more at the playground seven blocks from the flat we call home. We are a part of a house church that began as an outreach to Nepali refugees.
I live in the grace and love of Jesus and live out, as best I know how, that grace and love to others. I love checking off a to-do list – most days that includes drinking (good) coffee, singing, laughing, and reading up on the 75+ blogs to which I subscribe. A great day would also include going to the beach, having bacon for brunch and ice cream for dinner.
I beg for God’s kingdom come and His will to be done on earth as it is in heaven – in my corner of the great city of San Francisco, as well as in all the other amazingly beautiful corners of the world – including yours, wherever that may be!